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Relationship-shmationship.

A few weeks ago, I overheard one of my fellow teenage girls say “I don’t get how people can be single and not talk to anyone.” One of her friends answered “Me neither. I’d be depressed.”

Well, god damn. You know what? If I had that kind of mindset, I’d be fucking depressed.

The funny thing is, I used to be a hopeless romantic. I used to pretty desperately want a boyfriend. But why? Why did I desperately want a boyfriend? Why did I.. and so many other girls rely on someone else to make us happy? Pathetic.

I mean, I would like a boyfriend. However, I’ve recently come to a realization that I don’t want to start “looking” or dating until after college. Because I just want a man who has his shit together. I want something/someone serious. And I did find one; I found my dream man. However, he’s sixteen years older than me and engaged to be married. But I’ve come to the realization that I would like a man just like him. Thirties and all. But that just means I’d have to wait.. a lot more years.

Maybe I’m just not a fan of corny, teenage romances. The entire “good-morning and good-night texts” or cute, little surprises, or love me when I’m “sweatpants, hair-tied, chillin with no makeup on” (but that thing is a whole ‘nother post entirely). That entire “texting” thing that I first mentioned is the most pathetic, though. They’re just.. playing with themselves and each other.. trying to keep themselves busy. Letting themselves know that somebody desires them. That’s not love, that’s not a relationship. To me, that’s mostly immature, childish play. That shit’s pretty selfish and show-offy. Just so couples can be like those people they read in books or see on Tumblr.

And I can’t stand one bit of it.

Another thing is, my sister used to feel the same way. But then she actually started dating someone, and she swore she loved him. But me? Nope. I stand my ground. Trust me, I’ve had many ~worty~ and eligible suitors - but I never gave in. Reason? Relationships at this point in a kid’s life is immature. We haven’t even figured ourselves out yet, what more a relationship? (And then, there are those who ask What about college sweethearts who end up married? Well, good for them. They were just as immature as we are.. but then they grew, up and still loved each other! Unbelievable!)

I’m not anti-love, trust me. I want the boyfriend, husband, kids, and all when I’m older. Just call me.. anti-teenage relationships.

And anyone that would like to differ with this post. Message me in five-ten years and give me an update on your relationship, won’t you?

Tell him I’ll be by his side, all he has to do is call.

It happened.

About three years, and I got over my Stephen. The funny thing is, I didn’t even really have to try. It just.. happened.

I thought this “phase” would be just like last year’s NJPW, but it’s been more than a month.

But the thing is.. I will always love him.
I may not show it as much as I used to, I might not even feel it sometimes, but I will always love him.

You can’t just forget the person you’ve spent three years of your life on. You can’t forget their smile, their eyes, and everything you’ve ever done for them. 

Failing.

Yes, I am failing. Academically. 

You know, this all started a year ago. Yes, exactly one year ago - after I met him. But I haven’t really come to terms with it until recently. I know what it is I want to pursue in life, and I’m going to pursue it. It does not require a degree, it does not require a 5 in AP History or AP Bio, it does not require a 3.5 in PreCal, it does not require another year of French (although another year of French could be helpful). I know the basics of all of these subjects, and that’s all I should need to know. 

If I know what it is I want to do with my life, I have such a passion for it, and I will not rest until I get there.. isn’t that good enough? Even if, at some point, I’m dirt broke and shit - I’ll find a way to get by. I always have. And those things I’m going to have to deal with on my own, and I’m okay with it. But, all I know is, I will always find a way to get by.. hopefully, without being a burden to those around me.

It’s not like I’m giving up on school because I’m lazy and shit like that. It’s not like I’m giving up because I’m getting high with my friends, or anything like that. I know what I want to do with my life, and I don’t need any of this. And I’m not saying “fuck education, fuck school” - no, I’m not saying that at all. An education is necessary, I know that, and I’m going to continue with mine. But I don’t see the point in my learning PreCal and Bio and stuff like that, if I really don’t need it. Shouldn’t the basics be good enough?

And another thing. It has been my dream to go to college in Boston. I don’t care where exactly, as long as it’s in Boston. Ever since my parents, my sister, and I visited Boston a week before my freshman year, I’ve wanted to go there. And everybody knew it. But last year, my mother told me I can’t. For several reasons - mainly, trust and financial. So what’s the point in me trying? What’s the point in me working to get anywhere, because I’m just going to end up staying in this crappy town?

As much as it pains me to fail my classes, it’s not for me - it pains me for my family, because they deserve better than that. Luckily, they have my sister to make up for my academic failures.